Monday, April 12, 2010
YOU'RE STARTING TO BE REALLY DEPENDENT ON ME!
Someone who was really important to me just told me " you're starting to be REALLY dependent on me" in a very irritated and unhappy way.
I agree I maybe really very paranoid this few weeks, I tend to get angry when he doesn't meet me on time, I tend to get angry when he doesn't have enough time to accompany me, I tend to get angry when he doesn't meet me etc.....
In less than a month "HE" would be leaving Singapore for Taiwan. "HE" would be away for about 1 month.
All I ask now is for him to spend more time with me and would understand that I'm feeling really insecure.
Many things have been having for the few 2 months! Nothing have been smooth at all.
At times, I really feel very tired! At times, I just really dunno what to do but to sit there and ........
I love reading and watching fairytale. I always hope for a love like that.
Why is love so tiring and stressful instead ??
I thought love was suppose to be blissful and meaningful ???
I thought the both of you are suppose to be so special that you would be able to understand each other totally that is why you're attracted to each other!
For the past 2 months, I can really start to feel that I'm slowly losing myself.
I seriously dunno how to communicated and explain things!
I always think that I'm really great at communicating and explaining things to others but now i finally understand that seriously I'm not!
I have been trying really really hard to explain and communicate with "Him" for the past few months but what i get in return is I'm too sensitive, I'm thinking too much, I'm over dependent on him, I'm too these and I'm too that.
I feel that I'm always in the wrong! No matter what i say I'm still always in the wrong. Until the extent that I'm tired of communicating.
I seriously love "Him" alot! All i want in just to make things clear and solve all our quarrels between us! I just wanna make things right....
But the harder i try to make things right the more quarrels we will end up in.
I have already reached a point where i no longer know what to do!!!
Whenever i think about "Him", my tears just can't stop!
I can't control myself, I can't make myself stop!
I've totally gone crazy! I've totally gone nuts!
I need to leave this tiring place and go for a short holiday!
Maybe i should plan a short trip, A short trip on my own!
I should go and relax and see the outside world!
I'm tired of everything that is happening around me!
My Family is FUCKED UP!
My Parents are FUCKED UP!
Work is stressful!
Target is really High!
My relationship is in a mess!
My Life is in a totally mess!
Everything is just not right for me at this current moment!
Sometimes i really miss the old me! People always ask me where is the Jessmin that has no troubles at all?? Where is the Jessmin that always smile and laugh??
Where is the Jessmin that is never afraid of anything??
Where is the old JESSMIN?????????????
I miss my laughter! I miss my Smile! I miss my dear good Friends! I miss the old me!
I miss the Jessmin who use to be carefree and always cheerful!
Love is both Painful and Happy!
But when it's painful, it can get really damn painful!
Have you tried being in so much pain till u no longer know how does pain feels like??
He can be really loving and sweet at times! He can be the best boyfriend i can imagine.
BUT BUT BUT BUT
He can also be that only guy who will drive you crazy and drive you nuts!
"He" can make you understand the true meaning of LOVE and HATE !!!!
I need a can of beer!
I need a swing!
I need fresh air!
I need someone to lend me a shoulder !
I need Ice Cream !
9:44 PM
